I (still) believe North Korea!

I (Still) Believe North Korea!

The Korea Times (May 26, 2010)
by Casey Lartigue, Jr.

I believe North Korea when it says the South started the Korean War in 1950. I didn't believe former Russian leader Boris Yeltsin in 1994 when he released declassified documents revealing that North Korea started the War.

I believe North Korea didn't send 31 commandos into Seoul in 1968 to kill Park Chung-hee. I believe North Korea didn't send armed guerrillas onto the East Coast area of Uljin and Samcheok in 1968, or Heuksan in 1969, or Heukchon in 1970.

I believe the assassin who killed the South Korean first lady in 1974 wasn't a North Korean agent. I believe several North Korean agents did not cross the border in October 1979. I believe the Earth moved and they only appeared to be in South Korea. I believe that three North Korean agents shot near the Han River in March 1980 were just out for a swim. I believe that North Korean agents shot to death in November 1980 in Hwanggando got lost while hiking. I believe that three North Korean agents shot to death in Namhae a few months later were part of a search party looking for those lost hikers.

I believe that three agents who infiltrated into Geumhwa in March 1981 were sleepwalking. I believe it is routine for North Korean agents to go to sleep in North Korea and magically wake up in South Korea the next morning, fully armed with grenades, machine guns and dreams of reunification.

I believe North Korea didn't dig tunnels underground in the 1970s. I didn't believe South Korean leaders when they showed the pictures of the tunnels to the world. I believe the mob of North Koreans who chopped up two U.S. army officers in 1976 did it in self-defense. I believe nine North Korean agents shot to death after their boat sank off the coast of Seosan in 1981 were lost fishermen. I believe that North Korean agents shot to death near the Imjin River in July 1981 and June 1983 were wayward scuba divers. I believe North Korea agents spotted along South Korea's east coast in 1982 were tourists.

I believe that reports of North Korean soldiers entering the DMZ is South Korean and American propaganda to justify increased military spending. I believe the ``imperialists and puppets" from the U.S., Japan and South Korea who are feeding starving North Koreans want war.

I believe North Koreans didn't set off the bomb killing South Korean government officials in Rangoon in 1983. I believe the North Korean agent who killed three South Korean civilians in September 1984 was a South Korean agent. I believe that Kim Hyun-hee, who helped blow up a South Korean plane in 1987 (killing all 115 on board), is a forgetful woman who left her bomb on the plane.

I believe North Korean agents shot to death in May 1992 (three along the West Coast) and October 1995 (two in Buyeo) were bringing reunification messages. I believe that the North Korean government official who threatened to turn Seoul into a ``sea of flames" meant to say a ``country of happiness." I believe defectors from North Korea are, as a spokesman said, ``rats," ``criminals," and ``cowards." I believe that only rats, criminals and cowards would leave if North Korea opened its border. I believe North Korea is protecting South Korea from rats, criminals and cowards.

I believed North Korea when it said that its submarines ``drifted" to the South because of ``engine trouble" in 1996 and 1997. I believe North Korea cannot prevent such incidents because North Korean subs naturally drift to the South when they have engine trouble. I believe the South uses a large magnet to attract drifting North Korean subs.

I believe the dead man discovered washed up on a beach wearing North Korean clothing and armed with North Korean weapons was an actor. I believe the South Korean tourist shot to death in 2008 on Mt. Kumgang in North Korea shot herself. I believe the Hyundai Asan employee held hostage in North Korea last year for criticizing North Korea was lost for four months. I believe North Korea acted in self defense in 2000 when it threatened to ``blow up" the Chosun Ilbo newspaper for ``slandering our Republic" for claiming the North started the War. I believe it is ridiculous to suspect North Korea had a role in the sinking of the Cheonan warship on March 26.

I believe all of this because I don't believe that North Korea actually exists. I believe Boris Yeltsin had the secret documents to prove it.

The writer, a former policy analyst with the Cato Institute and formerly host of the Casey Lartigue Show on XM 169 in Lanham, Md., is now a freelance education consultant based in South Korea. He can be reached at www.caseylartigue.blogspot.com.

CJL

Original Korea Times link.

Note: The day before I published this article in the Korea Times, North Korea had threatened to blow up speakers in the DMZ.