Skip to main content

Dear readers: I'm on N. Korea's enemies list (Korea Times, 2014/02/25) by Casey Lartigue, Jr.



Dear readers: I'm on N. Korea's enemies list

By Casey Lartigue, Jr.

Although I absolutely love my job, I occasionally update my resume to track milestones and achievements. How should I categorize this? I have been included on former North Korean leader "Kim Jong-il's Official Enemies List."

There are 30 of us on the list, including former U.S. President George W. Bush and former Soviet leaders Mikhail Gorbachev and Nikita Khrushchev. Just two enemies list names above my own: Former South Korean President Kim Young-sam, on page 417 of the hilarious new book, "Dear Reader: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Kim Jong-il." According to the book cover, everything, as dictated to celebrity ghostwriter Michael Malice, who never met Kim Jong-il, is 100 percent "TRUE"!


I wish I had thought to write such a book. Several years ago, I joked about editing a collection of laugh-out-loud dispatches of the North Korean propaganda machine 1) flattering the Kim dictators and 2) flattening South Korean puppets and American imperialists. But I realized that I might end up on an enemies list ― of South Korea’s National Security Act.

Writers using irony about a nation’s enemy are running through minefields. The commentary that filled my in-box with the angriest responses was my Korea Times column “I Believe.” I mentioned various North Korean terrorist acts, then made tongue-in-cheek excuses for North Korea. Progressive friends soft on North Korea were elated, hoping that I had finally seen the errors of my previous ways.

North Korea scholar Andrei Lankov says analysts trying to understand North Korea should evaluate it from the perspective of North Korea. “Dear Reader” does a reductio ad absurdum, dead-panning the Dear Leader’s words to hilariously present them as undisputed history. Malice uses original sources ― Kim Jong-il books he collected during a trip to North Korea ― to take on the dead dictator’s persona, humbly basking in the sunshine of his own lifelong brilliance.

Malice starts “Dear Reader” with Kim Jong-il recalling his own birth, writing, "I remember the day that I was born perfectly." As a youngster, the future dictator admired his own academic excellence, but he was most proud of “how skilled I grew at fixing my fellow children.” He continued “fixing” everyone ― school teachers, professors, party leaders, artists, musicians, writers, movie directors ― with his endless insights.

He was vigilante about eliminating wrong-thinking, wrong ideas, and opposing ideas through public executions or hard labor (after all, opposing ideas=wrong ideas). He claimed to master “time-shrinking” ― although he was more skilled at shrinking the economy and North Koreans (who reportedly are 1 to 3 inches shorter than their South Korean counterparts).

Even Muhammad Ali, during his heyday as the loquacious heavyweight boxing champion, didn’t pour syrup on himself to the level Kim Jong-il sweetened up himself. The dead dictator didn’t claim to float like a butterfly or sting like a bee, but he did write, “I remembered everything I saw and perceived 10 things when I heard one. I was so profound that all my utterances were original, novel and inventive.” Oh, except that every profound utterance was due to his father, the Great Leader of North Korea, Kim Il-sung.

Malice peers into the brain of Kim Jong-il, but also gives a glimpse of what it must be like to grow up under rulers who are never wrong, never in doubt, always outmaneuver the well-fed puppets and rich imperialists ― and won’t change the subject about their benevolence and genius. I had a new appreciation for those brave souls who ignore the round-the-clock propaganda and escape past armed guards. I also wanted to hug those poorly funded NGOs in South Korea who send information via shortwave radio, USB drives, CDs into North Korea. North Koreans need to hear opposing ― wrong ― views.

“Dear Reader” is a good reminder that my North Korean refugee friends now in South Korea were constantly taught that Americans started the “Fatherland Liberation War,” are blood-thirsty and immoral.

Oh, and that Americans smell. When North Korea seized the USS Pueblo in 1968, Kim Jong-il was informed that the captured Americans “smell,” even after taking showers. Worse, they “want to have sex with each other.” That was that, Kim was ready to send them back. “The American depravity knows no limits.”

“Dear Reader” reminded me that I have already been on enemies’ lists ― of the North Korean refugees, before they escaped. Now, I help some improve their English as co-director of the English Matching Project, I have numerous refugee friends, and I am a proud member of the “Kim Jong-il official enemies list.”

When I told a refugee friend about being on the list, she gushed: “Awesome!” In addition to updating my resume, I wish I could capture the importance of that endorsement in a reference.

P.S., to my own dear readers: Malice’s “enemies list” is really his “acknowledgements” page.

The writer is the director for international relations at Freedom Factory Co. Ltd. in Seoul and the Asia Outreach Fellow with the Atlas Network in Washington, D.C. He can be reached at cjl@post.harvard.edu
Original Korea Times link






Popular posts from this blog

Obama debating Keyes, 2004, education excerpt

PONCE : Thank you. Let's move to the question of education. Mr. Obama, you've said that you consider education as the most important civil rights issue facing America today. Currently, your children are in private schools. If you're elected to the Senate, will you send them to public schools? OBAMA: Well, my children currently go to the lab school at the University of Chicago where I teach, and my wife works, and we get a good deal for it. But, so - - (laughter, applause) OBAMA: - -it depends on whether we move or not. And that, obviously, hinges on the election and what's gonna happen. We're gonna choose the best possible education for our children, as I suspect all parents are gonna try to do. And that's part of the reason why, consistently when I've been in the state legislature, I've tried to promote those kinds of reforms that would improve what I think is an inadequate performance by too many public schools, all across the state. PONCE : But yo...

Breen's column that outraged Samsung

“What People Got for Christmas” Michael Breen The Korea Times December 25, 2009 At this time of year when Seoul’s bare winter trees are wrapped in beckoning lights ― blue and white are the in colors ― and Merry Xmas signs at hotels and department stores are really saying come-hither-gentle-reveler-and-empty-your-purse, and when expensive restaurants belch noisy year-end office party groups onto every street and the karaoke rooms are full, it is tempting to declare that Christmas has lost its soul. But that would be a mistake. Christmas is a time for giving, and, before they can be given, gifts have to be bought. Commerce is good. Here, as proof, is a round up of some of the gifts given and received today by people in the news. Samsung, the world’s largest conglomerate and the rock upon which the Korean economy rests, sent traditional year-end cards offering best wishes for 2010 to the country’s politicians, prosecutors and journalists, along with 50 million w...

Rating the 10 Magazine speakers

I attended another 10 Magazine speech organized by Barry Welsh. Here are my unofficial grades for the speakers I have heard so far: 1) Shin Dong Hyuk (A+) : The audience was captivated. A few ladies were in tears as he discussed his escape from North Korea, his adjustment to living in South Korea, his difficulty at enjoying life. I first met Shin shortly before the best-selling book (Escape from Camp 14) in America about him was published, and was a bit surprised when he recognized me at an event and struck up a conversation with me even though he is so shy. Even though I was already familiar with his story, it was still great to hear it first hand in an informal setting. I threw a curveball at him, mentioning that that some people have doubted the veracity of his story. He took it in stride. After escaping from a prison camp in North Korea, I guess that there aren't many things that could rattle him. Shin, Lartigue 2) Michael Breen (A): An outstanding mix of humo...

Race, race, race

On the issue of race: Clinton goes first, (surprisingly) without her Selma accent. Biden doesn’t mention that there is a clean and article black person on the stage. Richardson says the next president must talk about race…we need less talk about race, and more about individual action. Edwards said something, apparently to help us transition to the only somewhat black candidate on the panel. Obama has the home field advantage being at Howard, but doesn’t do much with the initial question. Kucinich says that people are told to raise themselves up by their own bootstraps, but then they steal the boots. He gets the loudest cheers. This will be a long night if that continues... Gravel —who? Dodd —like the 64th team in the NCAA basketball pool, Dodd should be one and done. Brb, I’m checking on the NBA draft… CJL

Don't Call It A Comeback

I recently joined the Center for Free Enterprise in South Korea as Director of International Relations. Scroll down to click through to my bio . That means that I have resumed writing and speaking and will be actively seeking opportunities. Will start with letters and opinion pieces in the local papers until I hit on something worth sending abroad. As LL Cool J said, "Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years." This has to be one of the coolest jobs I have ever had. My boss has given me complete freedom to do whatever I want. Of course, after one year, we will evaluate. To get an idea of the kinds of things I can do, check out this original rap video created by CFE . It is a pro-free trade, anti-welfare rap. Last night my boss thanked me for giving them the idea last year, even before I joined the company. * I helped bring the Harvard University men's soccer team to South Korea . They were here for 13 days, played 3 games, visited the DMZ, and had a lot...